David Hasselhoff?

For some bizarre reason, our library purchased David Hasselhoff's autobiography. We have owned it since early August, and so far nobody has checked it out. I have tried putting it on displays and I have dared people to check it out, but so far, no dice. I almost feel sorry for him. No, I take that back. I'll keep you posted on othe circ status of our favorite former pretend lifeguard.

My life as a dog

Already twice today I have been summoned to Internet computers with sounds that were not language. I don't mind being mistaken for a machine, but a dog...well that's just too much.

Is this mean?

I have finally had it with providing tech support to children who want to play games on the Interweb Komput0rz. I used to help them get into Nickelodeon and PBS kids and what-have-you. I even sympathized when the wheezing old mules couldn't render the whizz bang flash animations at a speed that was satisfactory.

But today I had had enough of it. Maybe it was the kid starting to talk without making sure she had my attention. Maybe it was the annoyance she showed at not getting what she wanted. Maybe it was her inarticulate request that really gave me little useful information beyond "here, you do it." But I told her that I wasn't there to help her or anyone else play computer games. Sorry. Was that mean?

Dear Drunk Guy

I don't care that you saw Jimi Hendrix in concert twice and the Beatles once. I don't want your analysis of Creedence, the Dead or any other 60s band. Or band of other decades. Or music in general. Or anything.

PS, it's still morning. Ante Freakin Meridian! Do you think you could lay off the sauce until lunch?

I don't mean to brag, but

Cash Advance Loans

A Little Editorializing

I'm not the technical support guy, just the RefDeskSlave. But I try to help. Sometimes. Not often. I don't want to give the impression I actually work or anything. Anyway, I was trying to figure out what was wrong with one of our dazzlingly impressive Internet computers (see below). An Internet habitué was at the machine next to me and next to her a would-be power surfer was waiting patiently for a computer (not reading a book or anything, you see, just waiting, staring into the middle distance). The habitué said to her, while looking at me, "I think there are some computers over there--tilt of the head to a different part of the library--unless THEY'RE broken, too." Makes me wonder anew why it is that the library has to be the ISP of last resort.

OMFG! ROFL!

Today a man in his 60s came up to desk to share not just his cigarette smell (MMMM!) but also a fantastic quip, the likes of which have not been enjoyed since Oscar Wilde. Drumroll....

I was hopin' that the pretty young lady who works here would be at the desk, but I guess you'll have to do.

Cymbal crash.

Library FAQ Version 1.0b

Why are your computers so slow?

Glad you asked. Luckily for our internet connection is supremely fast. In fact, clicking a link should load the page faster than you can say "Melville Dewey." Sadly for you, we don't want you to have a satisfying internet experience so we installed a very clever device at the access point. It looks like this:

As you can see, we can "dial up" any speed we want with this little switchy thing. In the photo, you can see that it is on "full" but in reality, we have never had it on anything but "slow." Next fiscal year, we are hoping to upgrade the device so that it switches down to "Painfully slow." Stay tuned.

How many people does it take to run the copier?

Apparently 12. And that's all I have to say about that.

It's not that I mind the wifi people

They usually keep to themselves. Unless the there is a connection problem and then they run up with the sort of panicky look you only see in movies when a scuba diver realizes they are out of air. Then I'm not so fond. But today, a boy came to the desk and pointed across the room at a man sitting at a table frequented by wifiers due to its proximity to an electrical outlet. "My father," he said while the man waived, "wants to know if you'll program his web cam."

I was stunned, and that's not all that easy to do.