A Brief Analysis

I tried to help this guy navigate an online job Website today. I tried hard, really I did, but had almost no luck. He just didn't get the whole computer thing. Which led to this small insight.

Me, too, I guess

Found in a returned book

Dear Serial Drunk Guy

Some people maintain that you can't smell vodka on people's breath. I am here to say that this is not correct.

Jack the Ripper

No, not like that. We have a patron who comes in one or two evenings a week and sits at a public access computer and rips CDs to his MP3 player. I kinda doubt that this is legal and I put a request in with the higher-ups to look into it and see if we are liable for anything. I understand that most folks check out CDs and do this at home, I'm just worried that we are in troubel for doing this on library equipment. Anyway, he just left and in the interest of full disclosure, I grabbed the CDs and present to you tonight's playlist.

Lauryn Hill: Unplugged
Paul Simon: Negotiations and Love Songs*
Barry White: Staying Power
Ike & Tina Turner: Greatest Hits
Third Eye Blind: Blue
Spinners: The Essential Spinners

Eclectic mix, heavy on the melody. Nice work, Jack.





* Some men should not wear hats. I should know.

You Probly Think This Song is About You

Automatic 4 Point Deduction for Spelling/Grammar, though. Interweb station find, of course.

Deck the Halls with Frozen Deskslaves

Last week it was hotter than a greenhouse, so I brought no sweater today. Mistake. I don't think I c-c-can t-t-ype mmmmuch l-longggggerrrr....

Maybe I could bust up the Interweb computers and burn them and several of their users for heat.

Happy Holidays to you, too.

I got in trouble just now because we don't have any holiday CDs. Or so I was told. Summoned to the Xmas music shelf, I was scolded for the fact that we only had 3 CDs of dubious quality in the section. Even pointing out the fact that the blessed day was only 2 weeks away and people cleaned out the section a month ago in joyful preparation thereof did no good. I refrained from giving her a "next time start earlier" sort of comment since this wouldn't help her now. I also didn't recommend that she check out her fave holiday music in the summer and, you know, violate the Digital Millenium Copyright Act since that would not only be a crime but would also be totally sick to commit the crime in order to get a copy of Bette Midler or Andrea Bocelli or John Tesch serving up Silent Night.

Oh, for a freight entrance

As I have whined about before, people are always trying to get in on Sundays before we officially open. I forgot to mention that it is worse when the courier shows up to drop off books from other libraries in the system. We only have a main entrance and an emergency exit, so the courier props open the front door to bring in the dolly loads of books and stuff. And then people appear out of nowhere. I can understand...the door is open, lights on, busy people scurrying about, but some people do not want to take no for an answer. One person plead a special case because she just needed a museum pass that patrons can check out (sorry) and the other just wanted to use the Interweb (naturally, but sorry anyway). Oh, for a freight entrance!!

Let's Play "Count the Mistakes"

Found by an Internet station, of course.

Bottle Cap Lady

Whenever I close, there is a woman who comes in close to quitting time with a bag of bottle caps from some soda company's game. You have to enter some code from the cap to win something. Anyway, when she's there there is no possibility of closing on time since she is almost done, having ignored the polite reminders and barroom-style light flashing. She's here with her sticky bag of caps and her bottle cap kids. It's Sunday and the boy child needs a book from a very short list for school tomorrow. Of course they are long gone and he is dismayed. He's not a friendly or polite boy, so I have have taken a pass on sympathizing. His sister is a different matter. She is polite, so I put many seasons of Little House on the Prairie on hold for her. Mom is dissatisfied with the speed of our computers. She cannot enter secret codes nearly fast enough on our decrepit machines, once again making me wonder why again we are the ISP of last resort. Fifteen minutes to doors shut. I'm not optimistic. Excuse me while I let people know the bad news.