Turn it off, Eugene

"Bathroom?" the guy said.
I assumed that he actually meant "Pardon me, good sir, but does this library have a public restroom?" so I gave him directions.
"DO YOU HAVE A BATHROOM" he said, kinda loud. I saw the earbuds and heard the music at about the same time. If I was totally committted to customer service to all, even inconsiderate jerks, I could have pointed to the restrooms. But I'm kinda passive aggressive. So I repeated my directions, even softer this time, finally forcing the buds out of his ears. He repeated his question/demand and I repeated my directions. The buds went in, and off he went (sans thank you).
A moment later I heard him closer to the bathroom, hollering "DO YOU HAVE A BATHROOM" at somebody else.

The Noises

There are some people who like to make noises rather than ask for help. I used to fall for it. I hear someone nearby who sighs or grumbles about not being able to find something and my first reaction is to run to their aid. But I have grown weary of this passive call for help and resolutely ignore the noises as much as I have trained myself to ignore all calls that are not verbal (I have gotten whistles--like to a dog--and finger snaps) and specifically directed to me. So save your groans.

How did I answer this question?

When the clueless teen, whom we will call Trevor, pointed to the water cooler that sits a mere 10 feet from my chair and asked, "is that water?" what did I say?

a. No sir, it's hydrogen dioxide.
b. No dumbass, it's vodka.
c. Ummm...yeah....it's water. Help yourself.
d. Said nothing, ran from building screaming

From the Way Too Much Information Dept.

Not only was the guy at the urinal in the Gents talking on his cell phone, he didn't wash his hands.