Tuesday, November 27, 2007

New Books?

They're right over there...four feet from you...yes, right under the great, big sign that says...yep, you're welcome.

I'm not sure what it was

Maybe it was Mr. Helpless, whom you have met before, who told me all about the heating in his home and how he has disagreements with his dad about it. (He said "dad." I'm a little annoyed by people who say things like "I told dad..." when they are not my sibling.) Keeping in mind that the guy is probably in his mid fifties, it was disturbing as well as boring.

Maybe it was when Mr. Helpless came back proudly bearing some printouts he'd made of different traffic cam shots. Who would print a traffic cam shot? Unless there is a UFO or bigfoot or compassionate conservative or other mythical entity in the shot, that is.

Maybe it was when the lunatic lady who prints dozens of gigantic, server-choking genealogy lists every time she sits at a computer that she never actually wants to pay for or even own and which have to be deleted causing a cascade of failures in our fragile network showed up and started doing her sad thing.

Maybe it was the blood-pressure-spiking attitude I got from the effete young men I kicked off the grownup internet for being loud and underage.

But for some reason I'm just not...I dunno...feeling fulfilled in my job today.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Is that book in yet?

That's what he asked me. "Book?" I asked, all polite-like.
"That book we talked about last week."
(A friend who had been a "barista" at $tarbuxx a long time ago told me that people would get upset when they would say "The Usual" to her and she would have no idea who they were and what they wanted. I get a similar thing from patrons sometimes.)
"Sorry, I don't remember what book we talked about," I confessed.
"Me neither. I hoped you would remember it because I can't."
Hah! Dodged the bullet, I think.

A new word for you

A person who acts like they know a lot about something (computers, movies, genealogy, life, etc) but actually knows very little about anything?


What's more educational than taking your kids to the library?

Why, taking them to the library and abandoning them in the Kids' section while you dash upstairs to fart around on the Interweb for a couple hours, of course! Remember, if your unsupervised child gets antsy and raises a ruckus, the responsible parent of today delivers a serious threat sotto voce.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Dear Music enthusiast

who is talking to the other music enthusiast at the CD spinner rack. Please promise me that you will never (NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER) use the phrase "sultry, bluesy" to describe any music, musician, voice, instrument or sound EVER AGAIN. You see, you used it three times in the last 10 minutes and three times is your lifetime limit. Thank you.

Funny, they weren't standing at the SULTRY/BLUESY section, they were at INTERNATIONAL/WORLD

I'll go out on a limb and say no

Sorry random caller, even if I had the home numbers of any of the city's employees, I wouldn't give them to you. Yes, I'm certain it's important. Yep. Sorry. KayBye.

Hoff UnHassled

On the shelf since 8/10/07.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Adsense nonsense

So I signed this blog up for Googles Adsense program, or whatever they're calling it. Not that I expect to get rich blogging, but I'd like to eventually like to transfer this over to my own domain, so I was kinda hoping that the ad might generate some simoleons. I know, not gonna happen. Only three people read this (thanks for that, by the way) and the ad doesn't get clicked too often. ANYWAY, Adsense is supposed to analyze your content and push a relevant ad through. Which is why I was surpised to see this one:

Any thoughts?

Monday, November 19, 2007

David Hasselhoff?

For some bizarre reason, our library purchased David Hasselhoff's autobiography. We have owned it since early August, and so far nobody has checked it out. I have tried putting it on displays and I have dared people to check it out, but so far, no dice. I almost feel sorry for him. No, I take that back. I'll keep you posted on othe circ status of our favorite former pretend lifeguard.

My life as a dog

Already twice today I have been summoned to Internet computers with sounds that were not language. I don't mind being mistaken for a machine, but a dog...well that's just too much.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Is this mean?

I have finally had it with providing tech support to children who want to play games on the Interweb Komput0rz. I used to help them get into Nickelodeon and PBS kids and what-have-you. I even sympathized when the wheezing old mules couldn't render the whizz bang flash animations at a speed that was satisfactory.

But today I had had enough of it. Maybe it was the kid starting to talk without making sure she had my attention. Maybe it was the annoyance she showed at not getting what she wanted. Maybe it was her inarticulate request that really gave me little useful information beyond "here, you do it." But I told her that I wasn't there to help her or anyone else play computer games. Sorry. Was that mean?

Dear Drunk Guy

I don't care that you saw Jimi Hendrix in concert twice and the Beatles once. I don't want your analysis of Creedence, the Dead or any other 60s band. Or band of other decades. Or music in general. Or anything.

PS, it's still morning. Ante Freakin Meridian! Do you think you could lay off the sauce until lunch?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

A Little Editorializing

I'm not the technical support guy, just the RefDeskSlave. But I try to help. Sometimes. Not often. I don't want to give the impression I actually work or anything. Anyway, I was trying to figure out what was wrong with one of our dazzlingly impressive Internet computers (see below). An Internet habitué was at the machine next to me and next to her a would-be power surfer was waiting patiently for a computer (not reading a book or anything, you see, just waiting, staring into the middle distance). The habitué said to her, while looking at me, "I think there are some computers over there--tilt of the head to a different part of the library--unless THEY'RE broken, too." Makes me wonder anew why it is that the library has to be the ISP of last resort.


Today a man in his 60s came up to desk to share not just his cigarette smell (MMMM!) but also a fantastic quip, the likes of which have not been enjoyed since Oscar Wilde. Drumroll....

I was hopin' that the pretty young lady who works here would be at the desk, but I guess you'll have to do.

Cymbal crash.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Library FAQ Version 1.0b

Why are your computers so slow?

Glad you asked. Luckily for our internet connection is supremely fast. In fact, clicking a link should load the page faster than you can say "Melville Dewey." Sadly for you, we don't want you to have a satisfying internet experience so we installed a very clever device at the access point. It looks like this:

As you can see, we can "dial up" any speed we want with this little switchy thing. In the photo, you can see that it is on "full" but in reality, we have never had it on anything but "slow." Next fiscal year, we are hoping to upgrade the device so that it switches down to "Painfully slow." Stay tuned.

Monday, November 5, 2007

How many people does it take to run the copier?

Apparently 12. And that's all I have to say about that.

It's not that I mind the wifi people

They usually keep to themselves. Unless the there is a connection problem and then they run up with the sort of panicky look you only see in movies when a scuba diver realizes they are out of air. Then I'm not so fond. But today, a boy came to the desk and pointed across the room at a man sitting at a table frequented by wifiers due to its proximity to an electrical outlet. "My father," he said while the man waived, "wants to know if you'll program his web cam."

I was stunned, and that's not all that easy to do.