A question for you

Guess how good a morbidly obese teen looks in form fitting bike shorts.

About as good as you'd expect.

We have three signs...

that say that the Internet computers are down. One is at the front of the library. It's 11x17 as are the others. You have to walk within a foot of it to get into the library. One is on your way to the computers. The last is in front of the computers. My question to you is: how many times will people approach me after they try to use the computers to ask me if they are working?

When people ask me what is wrong or when will they be back up I am always tempted to say that if I had the answer to that one, I would be making a lot more money (and incidentally not talking to YOU).

UPDATE
The response to the signs has been fairly underwhelming. However, the response to not being able to get on the Internet has been pretty intense. I have even been asked to vacate the DeskSlave Turbo Workstation so that people can check their email or post to craigslist. Really. Or SRSLY as the texters say. I thought it was going to be peaceful and quiet, too. Silly deskslave.

You're not fooling me

Nice try. To the casual observer, you look like you have your fingers draped over your nose, like maybe you were just resting your hand there. But the wily deskslave noticed a bit of movement and immediately deduced that you were not an innocent, resting your digits on your schnoz. You know what you are: a nosepicker. With a thumb, no less.

Attention Library Patrons: Stay away from the latest issue of Glamour!

Well is it?

The Scene: Elderly male patron walks up to the deskslave, brandishing a large Sunday newspaper.

Elderly Male Patron. Is today the 13th?
Deskslave. Ummm...no, it's the 20th. (He's pleased; another successful reference interaction)
EMP (rebrandishing paper). Then how come the Sunday paper from the 13th is there and not the 20th?
DS. Uh...it's not out yet? (He's hot, he's batting 1.000.)
EMP. Hurmph!