Sure it's a three-day weekend

and I'm at work on the Saturday and the Sunday. But there was a bit of blue sky today when I opened the doors to DeskSlave Central. As I unlocked the first one and held it open for a boy of about 10 and his younger sister, the boy burst through and shouted "Yahoo!"

A little later a toddler was lead by a parent toward the kids' area. As they approached, the toddler broke into a run and shouted, "I'm ready!"

I know, not much, but we take what we can get.

Maybe you can explain?

I was unlocking the front doors at one minute before official opening time today. I like to do that, give people that little "extra." Anyway, there were the usual type of MUST GET ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW people there, who invariably shove past as soon as the door opens a crack and who dash in to get their Information Mainline fix. There was a guy who would go right for the Classifieds in his neverending search for employment. And there was this other guy I had never seen. He was not young, but he was dressed in clothes I typically associate with the young. As the of six doors was unlocked and I beckoned the assembled in, he said, "Very nice, you get a cookie."

Others laughed like this was a good joke, but I'm not sure what he meant. Maybe it was just I was a dog who performed a trick? But that doesn't seem enough for such merriment. So is there some cultural reference I'm missing? I don't watch a lot of TV, so generations of catchphrases sail right by me. Help? Anybody? Beuler? <--there an elderly pop culture reference proving that I am current up to about 1986.

I don't know anything about it, but I still want it

Years ago I worked at a small college library. One evening, a very nice young woman came in and told me about a friend of hers who had found this great math book that really helped him get ready for some test that she now had to take. It was a great book. It was orange. She thought. Did we still have it? I gave it a shot, taking her over to the math area and scanning spines for things in the red-orange part of the rainbow. No dice. I asked her to ask her friend for a little more information and we could try again. And that was the last I saw of her.

Today, a young man came up looking for a book he had read himself, though it was a very long time ago. All he could remember was that one of the characters was named Lenny. He couldn't remember if it was a kids book with pictures, an adult book or something in between. He didn't remember when in his life he read it. In fact, when we got right down to it, he wasn't even sure if the guy's name was Lenny. It might have been something else.

"What the heck," I thought and did a title search on "Lenny." Of course the Dustin Hoffman film, which I did not like back in the day, came up. Lots of kid books with Lenny in the title, but he gave up before I did. So we will never really know.

Hey Book Nerd!

Here is an interesting article from abebooks about the strange an interesting things found in used books. People after me own heart. Interesting stuff. My fave:

“Once I found two business cards carefully taped together. I picked at the edge and they came apart revealing a three-foot long accordionfolded panorama of 1970s pornography. I also once found a chocolate chip that was wedged down between the book cloth and the mull of the spine. The chocolate chip was dusty and dented, but otherwise unsullied. I wondered how one wedges a chocolate chip into the spine of a book, and how long it had been there. The book’s copyright was 1889.”

I just get junk from doodlers at the Internet. Oh Well.

Another question for you

When the Christian homeschooler makes multiple photocopies from the children's religious book, is it a sin, or merely copyright infringement?

A question for you

Guess how good a morbidly obese teen looks in form fitting bike shorts.

About as good as you'd expect.

We have three signs...

that say that the Internet computers are down. One is at the front of the library. It's 11x17 as are the others. You have to walk within a foot of it to get into the library. One is on your way to the computers. The last is in front of the computers. My question to you is: how many times will people approach me after they try to use the computers to ask me if they are working?

When people ask me what is wrong or when will they be back up I am always tempted to say that if I had the answer to that one, I would be making a lot more money (and incidentally not talking to YOU).

UPDATE
The response to the signs has been fairly underwhelming. However, the response to not being able to get on the Internet has been pretty intense. I have even been asked to vacate the DeskSlave Turbo Workstation so that people can check their email or post to craigslist. Really. Or SRSLY as the texters say. I thought it was going to be peaceful and quiet, too. Silly deskslave.

You're not fooling me

Nice try. To the casual observer, you look like you have your fingers draped over your nose, like maybe you were just resting your hand there. But the wily deskslave noticed a bit of movement and immediately deduced that you were not an innocent, resting your digits on your schnoz. You know what you are: a nosepicker. With a thumb, no less.

Attention Library Patrons: Stay away from the latest issue of Glamour!

Well is it?

The Scene: Elderly male patron walks up to the deskslave, brandishing a large Sunday newspaper.

Elderly Male Patron. Is today the 13th?
Deskslave. Ummm...no, it's the 20th. (He's pleased; another successful reference interaction)
EMP (rebrandishing paper). Then how come the Sunday paper from the 13th is there and not the 20th?
DS. Uh...it's not out yet? (He's hot, he's batting 1.000.)
EMP. Hurmph!

Here's Your Porn, Have a Nice Day!

It's been awhile since I've posted. Hi everyone. Nice to see you again. This story happened several weeks ago, but it is one that must be shared.

So I'm working on the Info Desk and a man my age is fiddling with the copier (which also prints stuff from the internet computers). The patron can't get his pages to print, so I go over to help. I see his print job is pending, and he simply needs to push one last button. Keep in mind...print jobs from ALL the internet computers are held in the copier, and I was just assuming that this particular, half-released print job belonged to him, since he'd already been fiddling with the machine.

Also, it's important for you to know that I have a personal policy about not looking at people's print-outs. I walk them through the process of printing their documents, and once the pages come out, I hand them to the patrons without looking at them. It's their private business (bank statements, resumes, etc.) so I don't want to see it.

Phew. Okay. So here we go.

I'm standing at the copier with the patron, I release the print job, and three printed pages come out. Each page was covered with about 12 pornographic pictures. Not knowing the content, I hand them directly to the patron and say, "Is that all you needed?"
He throws his hands up in the air, to show that he doesn't even want to touch them. "Those aren't mine!" he cries. I was so mortified I couldn't even look him in the eyes. I said, "Oh, I am so sorry." He asked, incredulously, "Are people ALLOWED to print that stuff out?" I said, "No, no no no no no NO. I mean, they're not supposed to view it or print it. Something is wrong with our filter. I'll figure out what's going on. Again, I am so sorry!"

It didn't take long for this story to spread among the library staff, and for the rest of the day, they were coming up to me at the Info Desk and asking if this was where they could pick up their free porn.