My Bad, as they used to say

Not just for not writing.
I took the forward off the phone at 2 minutes after we opened. There was already a message on the phone, from one minute earlier. Here is a transcript:

CALLER. Ah....I dunno....I got somebody and she put me over to the Reference Desk and then I GOT THE GODDAMN RECORDING! AGAIN! GODDAMN IT!

Trick Question #3,671

Do you have printers that like print stuff?

Interlibrary Loan in 5,000 easy steps

One of my less satisfying jobs here at DeskSlave Central is filling out Interlibrary Loan requests and, along with several colleagues, receiving them, dressing them up in their attractive DeskSlave bookband, getting them to patrons, getting them back, sending them home, etc.

I also need to explain the process to people, so they don't get their hopes up about the book they requested this morning. You see, it's only owned by one library, and it's in Nepal, so it probably won't get here by morning. I also don't want to encourage ILLs , frankly. It's sort of like Internet computers to me. At one point in about 1997, the nice folks at the library got themselves a nice little computer that connected to the Internet, probably via a 56kbps modem. This was so that people could get out on to the brand new Information SuperHighway and conduct important research. Eventually, people figured out that we didn't check to make sure that they were doing research on anything, and now, 10 years on, we are the ISP of last resort and people feel entitled to fast, free Interweb access. ILLs were for research at one point, and doing one required a certain amount of convincing. But now, anybody can do one for any reason and tons of staff time gets eaten up requesting I Dream of Jeannie box sets (I'm not kidding; it was requested by the same guy who requested Gilligan's Island and the Love Boat.)

Today, the process went one step further when a patron got a bit churlish when I told her that she had no choice about where the item she wanted came from. To my everlasting credit, my response to her question, "What if I want the copy from Town X?" was not, "Then move there. Need a map?"

Sorry kid, my goat left the building a long time ago

Since when did the threshold for world-weariness and snark get lowered to 11-year-olds? A portly young fellow of maybe 11 walked up, obviously intending to take the mickey out of me, and attempted to engage me on the subject of our relatively new facility. He was all squints and sneers as he leaned on the DeskSlavePod. I wanted to tell him that he was wasting his time--I've been deflecting better than him for a long time.

HIM: So how come this place looks like it used to be a restaurant?
ME: Pardon me?
HIM: This place looks like it used to be like a restaurant. It's stupid. How come it looks like that?
ME: I don't know. You will have to consult with the architect.
HIM: Huh?
ME: I don't know.
Slight pause.
HIM: So how come you put a big flat screen TV in the teen room?
ME: I didn't. It was here when we opened.
HIM: What's the point of having a TV if it's not even on?
ME: Too zen for me. I have to get back to work. (Busy typing, the screen is suddenly filled with fascination.)
He tried another scintillating conversational gambit, but I ignored it completely.

Great Moments in Irony, Part 7,238

Today, the woman who reaked of cigarette smoke who did not want to walk all the way over to look at the exercize videos.

Today, the dad who shouted at his toddler to stop making noise.

The irony meter is getting a workout here at Deskslave Central.

Not "Where is the large print?"

Not, "Do you have any large print." Rather it was. "Why don't you have any large print?" Which we do. Big sign. Prominent location for the collection. Lots of stuff.

Not, "Thanks...I guess I overlooked it. My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Rather it was, "Oh."

Welcome to the Jungle...I Mean Interwebs

A patron asked for the Better Business Bureau for the Internet. He had come across a web site that offended him and he wanted to report it. I wanted to tell him to look it up in the Internet Yellow Pages. But, being a good deskslave, I did not.

Well that was unpleasant

We were more or less ready to open on time. Five minutes before we needed to unlock, a coworker went out to gather items from the bookdrop. He left the door open and an alert patron zoomed in and planted himself at a catalog computer. I felt like a jerk, but I asked him to go back out to the lobby. He was offended. He referred to his watch, noting in an irritated fashion that we were going to open in five minutes. I countered, in a reasonable tone I hope, that if I let him in early, I'd have to let everyone in early. I was sure, I told him, that he understood. He didn't, but he got up and walked toward the door.
"OK," he intoned tartly, "I'll wait out here for THREE MINUTES."
Me, big smile like I was happy we were on the same page, "Great! Thanks!"

I resist you, little cat

So far, I have avoided reading this one. Just because it's in a library doesn't mean I want anything to do with it. I also hate the subtitle. "The small-town library cat who touched the world." It seems like they are claiming too much, like all those books about one thing that is responsible for the modern world, like Mark Kurlansky's book about the humble cod, or Simon Winchester's The Map that Changed the World, or John Griffiths' Tea: The Drink That Changed the World, or any number of books that attempt to shove minor players on to center stage. My part of the world has yet to be touched by Dewey, and now that the book is dropping off the bestseller lists, I doubt that will change.

No notary. No lawyer. No embalmer either.

But we got a librarian! I just had to break the bad news. No notary. Oh, the outrage! Oh, the dudgeon!

So, all three of my readers, do you think public libraries should have notaries?