Friday, September 21, 2007

Wow, I can't believe you just said that

Cast of Characters
Patron A: Asian man in his sixties
Patron B: Young latino woman
Patron C: Middle-aged caucasian man
Patrons D-I: Random people using the library, some on computers, some browsing nearby collections.
Library Assistant: That's me. I'm a young caucasian woman, which isn't as important to the story as the races of the other characters, but I disclose it in the interest of fairness and political correctness.

In the library on a Saturday morning. The place is extremely quiet. Patrons A-C are using filtered internet terminals. They do not know each other. Patrons A and B are on terminals facing each other. Patron C is at a terminal against the wall, so his back is to them. Patrons D-I are around, but not involved. Library Assistant is at the Information Desk.

And now...for the theatre!

Act 1, Scene 1
Patron A: (approaching Library Assistant at Information Desk, points across room to Patron B, speaks in agitated tone) She is using her cell phone.
Library Assistant: Yes, actually, cell phone use is allowed here as long as the person talks in a normal voice.
Patron A: She isn't!
Library Assistant: Okay, I'll speak with her.

Act 1, Scene 2
Library Assistant: (approaches Patron B, bends down next to her, points to small sign on computer monitor regarding cell phone rules, and speaks quietly) Excuse me, but your use of the cell phone...
Patron B: (interrupts, argues loudly, and points to her computer screen. Looks at Library Assistant like she's an idiot) BUT I HAVE TO USE MY PHONE TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT MY ACCOUNT!
Library Assistant: (remains calm, emphasizes how to talk slowly and quietly) You may use your cell phone here, but you have to speak quietly, in a normal talking voice.
Patron B: (argumentatively) BUT HOW WILL THEY HEAR ME???
Library Assistant: (remains calm, continues to talk slowly and quietly, but asserts more authority) You are in a library. You must keep your voice down.

Act 1, Scene 3 (And this is where it starts to get weird.)
Patron C: (Turns around from using his computer against the wall, addresses Library Assistant) Thanks for that. (Looks at Patron B) You see, you're in AMERICA, not MEXICO.
Library Assistant (shocked, but responds immediately, out of anger): That is entirely inappropriate and I could KICK YOU OUT for that.
Patron C: (Turns back to his computer): Okay, sure.
Library Assistant returns to her desk; considers kicking both of them out.

[a mere ten seconds pass]

Act 2, Scene 1
Patron B gets up and leaves library, talking louder than ever on her cell phone, in an attempt to aggravate Library Assistant and prove some kind of point.

[three seconds pass]

Act 2, Scene 2
Patron C (gets up, stands in middle of open area at top of stairs, shouts for all to hear) WELL, I GUESS THIS IS THE AGE OF INAPPROPRIATENESS, ISN'T IT?! (stomps down the stairs and out the door).
Library Assistant: (Does not look up to acknowledge Patron C. Would have kicked him out if he hadn't left on his own at that point. Looks around at Patrons D-I and they all act like all is normal. Thinks to self.) Holy crap, did that just happen?

The End


Xanwater said...

Doh! It was actually Friday morning.

aikenhead said...

Yikes!! You had great presence of mind to tell the ethnic slur guy off!